When You Have Big Dreams but Feel Stuck: Understanding Your Inner Goal System

A life coaching for women perspective on finding clarity, peace, and direction.

In January 2025, I sat in my office with a to-do list that could have filled a small novel.

Client work. Fitness goals. House Chores. Business development tasks. Family obligations.

I remember looking at it and thinking: “I’m doing everything right… so why do I feel so behind?” I was feeling stuck.

The Moment Ambition and Exhaustion Collide — A Life Coach for Women Explains Why

It usually happens to smart, self-aware, heart-centred women who have read the books, taken the courses, and done the inner work.

You’ve built a good life.

You start every week with a plan: this is the week you’ll eat better, move your body, post that new offer, or bring that new breakthrough idea to your job, perhaps you’ll finally make the time to properly connect with your partner, meditate every morning…

And then life happens.

Emails. Dishes. Distractions. Doubt. A new TV show on Netflix that has you binging a full season in 2 nights, or just pure exhaustion from a long, tiring day.

You tell yourself you’ll catch up tomorrow, but deep down, you know it’s not about time management.

Energy Fragmentation (Why So Many Women Feel Stuck)

What’s really happening is something psychologists call energy fragmentation — that sense of being pulled in ten directions, doing a lot but feeling very little movement.

We often make the mistake of assuming we’re lazy or lacking focus. But the truth is, your inner goal system — the architecture that drives motivation — is tangled.

As psychologist Arie Kruglanski and his colleagues explain in their Theory of Goal Systems (2002)*, our goals don’t exist in isolation. They form dynamic networks that activate, support, or conflict with one another depending on our emotional state.

How Your Inner Goal System Gets Tangled

Goal Systems Theory says that every person carries an internal map of goals and means — like branches growing from one root.

• Superordinate goals are your “why”: the deep desires that drive you (peace, freedom, connection, contribution).

• Subgoals are what you do to get there: like building a business, exercising, or improving your relationship.

• Means are the daily actions: posting on social media, cooking, journaling, calling a friend, or going for a walk.

When all these layers connect and support each other, life feels aligned.

But when your energy gets divided between too many goals — especially if they conflict — you end up exhausted, doubting yourself, and spinning in circles.

Basically, your mind quietly short-circuits.

That’s why you can feel deeply passionate yet chronically unfulfilled. The truth is that your energy isn’t gone, it’s just scattered across competing goals.

Reorganizing My Inner System

Once I started looking at my life through this lens, things shifted.

I stopped asking, “How can I do it all?” and started asking, “Which of my goals truly serve the life I want now?”

I began noticing how some of my daily “musts” didn’t actually feed my deeper why.

My desire for peace was fighting my habit of perfectionism.

My goal to “help everyone” was draining the energy I needed for my own growth.

Bit by bit, I began reorganizing my inner system:

• I clarified which goals were seasonal and which were core.

• I let go of goals that belonged to an older version of me.

• I reconnected my daily habits to my true intentions.

And slowly, my days started feeling lighter.

What I’ve learned: Choose Alignment Over Motivation

What I’ve learned, and what the research confirms:

We often think we need more motivation when what we really need is alignment.

According to Goal Systems Theory, motivation increases not when you add more goals, but when your existing ones stop contradicting each other.

When your business goals serve your wellness, when your relationships reflect your values, when your actions reconnect to your peace — your mind stops fighting itself.

Brené Brown once said, “When we are clear about our values, the decision-making becomes easier.”

That’s not just emotional wisdom — it’s neurological truth. Clarity reduces internal conflict, which frees up cognitive energy to actually move forward.

How to Apply This in Your Own Life

If you feel like you’re spinning in circles — even though you’re doing everything right — pause and ask yourself:

✨ What is my true north goal right now?

✨ Which daily actions no longer serve it?

✨ What small change would reconnect my energy to what really matters?

You don’t need a new strategy. You need an aligned system, one that lets your goals cooperate instead of compete.

This week, try naming one area where you’re stretched too thin.

Then gently choose one goal to prioritize — not forever, just for this season.

You’ll be amazed how quickly peace returns when your energy finally knows where to go.

When Goals Become a Garden

These days, I’m learning to see my goals less like a checklist and more like a garden — everything has its season.

Some dreams are ready to bloom.

Others just need a little more light and time.

But when I nurture them in harmony, not competition, my life starts to feel like mine again.

So if you’re a woman with big dreams and a tired heart, remember — the life you want isn’t somewhere in the distance. It’s quietly waiting under the clutter of your overactive goal system, ready to breathe again.

How would your goals transform today if you saw your life as a garden? Which goals would stay? Which goals would go?

Step Into Your Next Chapter — Life Coaching Tools for Women Ready to Return to Flow

If you’re ready to reconnect with your authentic desires — before trying to “organize” them — start with the 100 Wishes exercise in my free Return to Flow Workbook.

It’s a heart-opening exercise designed to help you name the dreams, goals, and longings that have been waiting quietly underneath the noise.

* Kruglanski, A. W., Shah, J. Y., Fishbach, A., Friedman, R., Chun, W. Y., & Sleeth-Keppler, D. (2002). A theory of goal systems. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 34, pp. 331–378). Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(02)80008-9